I've been trying to write this post about dating for 2ish weeks. But I just kept getting stuck right past the first paragraph. I was going to talk about how awful of a picker I've been in the male arena concerning dating. But I came to a pretty important realization tonight- I pick exactly what I have been looking for, I've just been looking to fill the wrong position. I'll Explain.
I love the farm. And I love my dad. He's a great man and he works so hard every day of his life on the farm that he built just to provide for his family. In high school, I surrounded myself with guys who were just like my dad. Farm boys- respectful and honest and hardworking ( also with a slight temper ;-) but they were my best friends. I trusted them with my life- quite literally on occasion with the awesome ideas we often had ( another story for another post ). These are the type of guys I should be picking out to date now. But in high school they were like my brothers- heck they didn't even realize I was a girl until we all graduated and went off to college for a year. Then we came back and nothing was the same. I was a now not only a girl- but a woman. It was then that I realized that the little tid bit of advice my dad gave me when I turned 16 was totally accurate- Guys are only friends with girls they would have sex with. Wowza- totally true now. Add some alcohol into the situation and I started learning things about my guys that I never wanted to know. Things they thought about me and my friends and eew- boys are icky. These guys also challenged me to know more about farming- I had to keep up with them. I would have to hold my own in arguments or I would get a nice little lesson about everything that I didn't know. It was hard being a girl in a guys world. Lets face it- you dont see to many girls taking over the family farm.
So to avoid this, I started to date and be friends with guys who had never stepped foot on a farm. City guys who thought a bonfire was a little fire pit that you buy from Home Depot. Guys who I could talk circles around when it came to things that I was passionate about- things that they had no comprehension of. Things that would never be brought up into actual conversations with them. Guys who thought they knew everything there was to know about everything. It was easy for me to let them be in charge, to let them be the smart ones on the relationship. I could just be the cute little country bumpkin who needed protected from the big bad city. It was easier for me to be someone I wasn't than be the country girl I was born to be. It allowed me to dim my confidence. The confidence that made me independent and intimidating. It also took the Lord out of the equation. The guys I was surrounding myself with weren't the guys whose mamas made them go to church every Sunday no matter what- They were the ones who went on Easter and Christmas. It was easy to get sucked up into the world of sin and fall off the right path. My moral compass wasn't pointing north because the people I started surrounding myself with had ones that we definitely not pointing a true north.
Now move to today- it's taken me almost an entire year to regain my confidence and to see that I need my country boys back. My boys with their scuffed up boots, faded blue jeans and their worn in baseball caps- You know the kind, right? The ones worn every single day and smell like hard work, dirt and diesel. I need guys in my life who will call me out on my bullshit- who know when im making things up just so I can hear myself talk- saying things that sound totally legit but totally aren't. I will wear my cowboy boot and my big belt buckles and intimidate the crap out of all the unworthy guys. Guys who see my hands and see that even though I have some pretty kick butt sparkly purple nail polish on I also have scars from hard work. Rope burn from hay bails. Calluses from scooping corn. Scars from getting my fingers stuck in the small places on a corn head the guys can't reach. Guys who see that my tan stops at my t-shirt line and know its a farmers tan. Guys who appreciate me for who I am. Who know that when I say I am taking over the family farm that I am completely serious and will plow anyone over who gets in my way. A guy who is willing to explain new farming technology to me as though I am an equal- not a lesser being. Guys who know that my Daddy will still use his gun on them if the mess up. I may be 21 but I am still his little girl. Guys who understand and respect my love for the Lord- who wont try to demean me for being so devoted and wanting that for my own family. Guys who know when to stop before they have had one to many beers. A guy who sees that even though I am a tough as nails farm girl I still need to be protected sometimes.
I'm not settling anymore. I will never settle for anything less than what I deserve ever again. Never again will I compromise myself just to be liked by men. I am a country girl. Strong and Independent. I wear scuffed up boots, faded blue jeans and a worn in cap- just like the guys. I do the hard work. Every day. My nails just happen to be painted sparkly purple.
